Things Jane is NOT ALLOWED to DO
by meryl13
Summary: This is the list of the things Jane cannot do anymore. And other one-shots. Like vampire eating PEANUT BUTTER , Barney song, Jane singing and many more! :ON HIATUS: R
1. 21 Things Jane Cannot Do

A/N: Just something that pop in my head.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything besides the ideas. :(

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My sister was mad! She was going around and spreading madness so, I decided to put an end on this. I wrote:

20 Things Jane Cannot Do:

1. Whistle everytime Athenodora passes by.

2. Singing 'Thug Story' by Taylor swift.

3. Hide Aro's cloak and tell him Marcus stole it.

4. Braiding Marcus' hair.

5. Nor Cauis'.

6. Spend Volturi's money to shop (Yes, since she saw Alice wearing a jimmy choo high heels, she start shopping.)

7. Shop online.

8. Play spit ball in the throne room and blaim Giana for spitting at the thrones.

9. Force Aro, Cauis and Marcus to watch Gossip Girl with her everynight.

10. Scream everytime she sees Chace Crawford.

11. Dying Demetri's hair electric blue.

12. Painting Felix's room pink.

13. nor Afton's.

14. Stalking the Jonas Brothers

15. Stop stalking Robert Pattinson.

16. Wearing `Team Carlisle' shirts.

17. Tie Sulpicia on the top of the clock tower.

18. Burp the alphabet every time Cauis tries to speak.

19. Asking people if they have met their match and then tackle them.

20. Tell everyone she's Hermione and challenge Aro to a dwell.

Finally, I finished the list.

I posted the list up and it's other copies inside the palace.

"Hey Alec!" Demetri's voice was full of struggle.

The I heard it. Jane was singing 'Nobody, Nobody' by wonder girls!

"I want nobody, nobody but you!" I entered the throne room to see my twin on the throne dancing at the tune of what she was singing.

I ran out of the throne room and put a number twenty-one on the list. When I reached the last five copies, Aro, Marcus and Cauis was already writing

'21. Singing 'Nobody, Nobody' by Wondergirls or imitating them.

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Well, that was all. I hope you like it. :)

Review!

xoxo,  
JaLice


	2. When Jane feeds everyone PEANUT BUTTER!

A/N: hey. hey! this is for my reviewers and thank you Izzy for the idea! Hope y'all like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight! *sobs*

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APOV(Alec)

I'm so glad my shift is over. It was hell when Jane started singing and then suddenly she dances around. Whoa! She must have drunk some infected blood. I shivered at the thought.

"Peanut butter!!!!!!!!Peanut butter!!!! Try it it tastes so yummy!" Jane was singing at the top of her lungs. I think my eardrums are trashed.

"Jane! What in the world are you singing?!" Ia asked my sister.

"Well, I'm singing my peanut butter song!" she whined and then stalked off. I went to Demetri.

"Demetri, watch your back. Jane has this mushy, icky, brown stuff on her hands. And it's called, Peanut Butter." I said it in a menacing voice.

"ALEEEEEEEEEEEC!" I Jane shouted.

"What now?" I asked her. She was completeley irritating me!

"Block everyone's senses. Pleasee." she said.

"Why would I do that? I don't want to!" I shouted and walked towards the opposite direction. Then pain rocked through my body. "JAAAAAAAAAANEEEE!" I screeched. She stopped and walk towards me.

"Work with me or I'll feed you this?" She showed the icky brown stuff called peanut butter.

"No way! Okay, I'm working with oyu." I told her. I'll take anything but not peanut and butter.

"Okay!" She said cheerfully. Wow, I have never heard her like that. She was literaly mad.

"Everyone!!!!! I have a surprise! come here!" She shouted in the hall. In half a second they were all circling us.

"Now," she said. And with that I blocked everyones' senses. The room was full of questions like; what happen, please no. and 'AAAALLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEC' from Demetri. I was happy Aro, Marcus and Cauis weren't here.

Jane started putting the peanut butter in each of their mouth. Hell! I'm glad I have this talent or I would have been suffering with them right now.

"Alec," she sang and I gave all of their senses back. Many of them spit it out.

"NO ONE SPITS IT OUT!" JAne shouted furiously. The other's who hadn't spit it out didn't do it because their fear of Jane, they swallowed it thickly. EW.

"Mmm..." came out of Gianna's lips.

"You like it?" Jane asked her.

"Yeah, why?" She replied to Jane.

"Oooohhh! We're gonna be bestfriends!" Jane said and took her hands.

"Alec, come here." Jane called. Gosh, if she weren't my sister and her peanut butter I wouldn't be doing this things.

"Close your eyes." She told me.

"Oh, no." I tried to ran but Felix and Demetri caught me and Jane sent a mild pain through my body. I didn't move for a second but the icky stuff was in MY MOUTH! EW!!! I wanted to spit it out but I know what Jane will do to Mr. Cuddly-bear.

"Alec, will you spit it out?" She asked me. I shook my head no.

I should have known she would do this. The thing taste worst than dried blood with and leafy things.

"See, everyone? Alec set a good example he didn't try to put Ms. Peanut out of his mouth." she beamed. Great, she's totally crazy now. She gave the thing a name!

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It's been hours since Jane feed us 'Ms. Peanut'. She was in her room I dont' know what she's doing. Me and the other's planned something she will never forget.

"Ms. Peanut, Ms. Peanut, Ms. Peanuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!!" she sang, again! Oh my, she was driving me insane!

"Jane, I don't want to do this but I have to." Icut her off and she started screaming at me. Demetri and Felix took her to the room with a 'POOL OF DOOM' inside.

"Here goes nothing!" Demetri tossed Jane in the pool full of peanut butter. We heard a low 'bang'.

"What the?!" Jane exclaimed.

"Shit." Felix said.

"ALLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEC!" She shouted. It was so loud I think it could be heard at the other side of the world.

"What the hell did I do?" I asked and ran away. As far as possible. But Jane caught up.

"Why am I covered in this freaking, brown-ish, icky, gooey stuff?" She was ranting. She continued to ask me questions. I was like in a phyciatric test which you will answer the first thing that came onto your mind.

"Is that all?" she asked more calmly.

"Oh, you have a new friend." I remined her. Her expression was confused.

"Her, name is Ms. PEANUT!" Shhe screamed and ran as I said the name.

"Jane is finally back!." I shouted. I heard them cheer.

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Well, that's the end of this chappie homies! Hope you like it! Review!

Izzy: Do you like it Sorry if it weren't what you excpected.

xoxo,  
JaLice


	3. The Barney Song

A/N: So, yeah. This is coming faster than my other fanfics. Hope you like it. Oh, this one inspired by my clasmates who sings _our original version of The Barney Song_. :)

Disclaimer: *walks to Edward*

Edward: I can't bite you!

Me: whoa! wait a minute there buddy. I'm just going to ask you something.

Edward: fine, go ahead and ask.

Me: Do I own-

Edward: No you don't own me, now go!

Me: I wasn't going to ask if your mine. I'm asking you if TWILIGHT AND BARNEY IS MIIINE?!

Edward: The answer is still no. YOu don't own Twilight nor Barney, leave me alone.

Me: oh, okaay! *drags Edward in a dark alley* mwahahaha!

Edward: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Okay, after the longest disclaimer ever, here's Jane and the Volturi bringing you entertainment :) Enjoy!

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APOV(Alec)

Another normal day here in the Volturi castle. Here I am, inside the elevator with Jane. It's time for us to hunt.

*tuugsh* The elevator hurled to a stop.

"What is that?" I asked.

"I don't know lets just go hunt!" Jane jump to the top of the elevator and rip the vent door off.

_After 5 minutes_

"Alec!" Jane called me.

"Yes my dear sister?" I asked her.

"Have you seen Barney?" what did my sister asked me?

"Uh. Why are you asking me that?" I asked her, dumbfounded.

"Well, I'm still thirsty." She said, like nothing wrong with what she said.

"Jane, you're looking for Barney, the purple dinasaur because you're thirsty?" I burst out laughing. Her lower lips tremble like she was going to cry. She looks so pitiful.

"Oh, Jane. I'm sorry. What are you asking me again?" I told her, I rubbed her back.

"I'm asking yo if you've seen Barney." she said.

"Oh, I haven't seen him. Let me help you look for him, okay?" I said.

After hours of finding Barney

I was in the lobby telling Heidi what happened earlier. Then we heard it

"I love you, you love me

Let's go hunt and bite Barney

With our venomed fangs

And a bite from me and you.

NO MORE PURPLE DINASAUR!"

"Alec, i-is th-that?" Heidi was laughing so hard she almost rolled on the floor. She can't even finish her sentence.

"I-I think s-s-so." I was on the floor. Gianna was trying not to laugh but small giggles escape her lips. Demetri and Felix came out almost crawling on the floor laughing.

"I-is that J-Jane?!" Demetri asked us.

"Yyes!" I laughed harder.

"Alec! \What happened to your sister?" Aro burst out of the door.

"I dunno Master. I r-really have no idea." I answered.

"What in the world has happened while she was hunting?" Cauis asked.

"Maybe she bit a crazy bum." Demetri laughed.

Aro looked at him, then he laughed.

"Aro, what is a bum?" Cauis asked him and Aro told him what a bum is. He joined us, laughing, too.

"Hey, hey! Friends, what are you laughing at?" Jane greeted us.

"Uhm. Nothing. Nothing at all Jane." Heidi straightened up.

"Hmm. I'll keep my eyes on you." She warned us and skipped off. Singing her 'Barney Song' again.

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Wel, that's all for now pipz! Hope you like it! Review!

xoxo,  
JaLice


	4. Vampire Pipz, yo!

A/N: Another update! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to update!

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APOV(Alec)

Why did I agree to do this? Oh, right, because Jane threatened to torture me with her talent for never ending hours.

"Alec, tell me why where here?" Heidi sat beside me.

"Well, Heidi you three," Jane showed up and looked at us three; Heidi, Sulpicia, and Me. "Because you will be our judge." She smiled.

"Jane, just get on with it!" I shouted barked at her.

"Sheez brother, so excited for our talent show huh?" She taunted.

"No, I'm excited for it to end." I muttered. Of course she heard it.

"What is your problem Alec? Why can't you just support me?" She stomped until she was beside Aro.

"Alec, be a supportive brother to little Jane, she only wants fun, and fun is what we give her." Aro told me. I just nodded and look up in boredom.

After minutes of preparation, Jane came out in a pink and black costume with Aro! Want me to tell you what they're wearing? Spandex! That's what they're wearing! It was a burning image!

"Aro! Change your clothes!" Sulpicia shouted at him. Thank God, he still had a wife.

"But, Sul-"

"No buts Aro! Change now!" She finally growled, making him ran back. In just a second he was back, wearing his 15th century clothes and his black cape and has a pink lettering at the back that says: "We're the vampire pipz in a vampire world" And has an arrow sign pointing to Jane.

"_Oh, please help me, so I won't rip they tongues off!_" I pleaded internally.

Heidi came on stage with a scowl on her face, muttering something like 'they shouldn't be ruling us! Look at them!' I agree with her.

"Gianna, get on with it!" Jane half shouted.

Gianna forced out a smile and said, "So, this is the Volturi's Got Talent! And our first talent, or should I say Talents are Jane, Aro and Caius! Singing we're the vampire pipz!" Suddenly a smoke poof on the stage and the three appeared. Aro still looks half bad!

They started.

"Hi Jane!  
Hi Aro!  
Do you wanna go for a hunt?  
Sure Jane!  
Let's go!

We're the vampire pipz, in a vampire world!  
Life by blood, tastes fantastic  
You can talk to me, I'll eat you if I'm hungry  
Imagination, life is your creation"

Jane was centered and Aro was trying to take her place. _Why, oh why does he have to do that?_!

Jane glared at Aro before singing again.

"Come on Aro let's go hunting!

We're the vampire pipz, in a vampire world!  
Life by blood, tastes fantastic  
You can talk to me, I'll eat you if I'm hungry  
Imagination, life is your creation

We're the vamps who sparkles, in the fantasy world  
Visit us, make it long, you'll be our food  
We're so grand, rock'n'roll, feel the blood in my throat,  
bite you her, bite me there, your my foody...  
I'll bite you, I'll drain you, if you try to escape"

After that Caius suddenly started taking the spotlight while Jane glared at Aro and Aro grinned at her. I guess she's not torturing him..

"(uu-oooh-u)

We're the vampire pipz, in a vampire world!  
Life by blood, tastes fantastic  
You can talk to me, I'll eat you if I'm hungry  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Aro, let's go hunting!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Jane, let's torture them!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Aro, let's go hunting!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Jane, let's torture them!  
(uu-oooh-u)"

Jane and Aro just sung simultaneously while Caius do all the 'ah-ah-ah-yeah's and 'uu-ooh-u's. This is damn awful! They sang a few more verses. Heck, if I was still human, my eyes would have been bleeding with the sight of Aro. And my ears, my precious ears, can't hear anymore. Good thing I was a vampire, I can still hear them. Bad thing, I can hear every awful sound they made!

"Oh, this blood tastes good!  
Well Jane, we're just getting started  
Oh, your the best Aro!"

They finished.

"Oh thank the Creator you finally ended your very awf-" Sulpicia and Gianna both nudged my shoulder, which hurt a little since they're both vampires, I hate being the middle!

"I mean you we're very, very................uh......uhm..-" Sulpicia cut me off and started with Aro.

"Well, you three have been very, uhm, good, I guess. How about you Heidi what do you think?" She smiled nervously at Heidi.

"Well, I think their good, too?" It was more like a question. She looked at me.

"Well, you guys are good, I'm outta here!" I said the last very fast, then run for my bloody-freakin'-existence!

I found the list of the things Jane is not allowed to do. I wrote: 'Jane can't sing or organize a contest which will require her and Aro to sing!' I heard someone coming and I ran to the tower.

"Alec! YOU LYING CHEATER!!!!!!!" I heard Jane threw something, I bet she threw the table. I hope Gianna's okay.

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So, do you guys like it? hate it? Sorry if it's short, I'm very busy this month; exams, projects, essays, birthdays. Oh, Your reviews will be a very great B-day gift to me! Thank you! My B-day was just this week.

xoxo,  
jaliceΩ


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